Shecancreate’s Weblog

Dear Guacamole,
I love you but you treat me sooo bad.
You are green and limey and Salty. Gauc, you make My taste buds scream with delight. I treat you so good. I slice avocados with care and add just the right amount of salt and lime, I put you in a pretty bowl, and even refuse to use cheap chips to scoop you. I would like to think I give you a heroes burial in my stomach…
And, what do you do in return? You know what you do. Yes, you do. In return for my tender love, you, Gaucamole, morph into an angry space monster in my chest.
Yes, yes, you do.
Don’t sit there trying to be all cute and smoothly coy.
Guacomole, your an asshole.
Did you know that?
Did you?
Oh,
I see, you have nothing to say for yourself.
Well, good thing I have plenty to say.
Every time, every single time, you get me. Avocados are in season, did you know that? You didn’t? Well, you should, because you are an avocado, for Christ’s sake. Really? How do you not know you’re in season? What kind of avocado are you?
Actually, I didn’t know this, but because there are so many varieties of you… wait for it…. wait for it… YOUR MEAN ASS IS ALWAYS IN SEASON!
I bet the apples know they are in season. Now apples, they know how to treat a girl. Look at ‘em crisp and sweet and juicy… I should have eaten an apple, damn it.
Anyway, I see you in the store and I think maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time Ol’ Gauc will treat me right and not turn into an angry space monster in my chest. Maybe this time, Holy Guacamole, will be kind and love my body, the way I love it’s body. I mean look at you all dark, bumpy and firm, how does anybody resist that charm.
Then, even though you already know you are going to treat me bad, you try to play hard to get. The hard as a rock avocados are always on top or even worse the mushy ones.
And then, then, you have the nerve to eyeball the guy next to me. What? Would you rather go all space monster in HIS chest? Well too bad for you, he only has eyes for tomatoes. Your stuck with me, asshole.
Did I already mention the heroes burial I give you? oh, I did? Well, I do. I Love you Guac. And right now you are making a fool of me, OW. STOP that, it’s not funny. AWWWWWWWWWWWW. Seriously, jerk, I have vital organs in there. My abdomen is not your play thing. You know what asshole? WATCH THIS…………..
…………….. Huh, what’s this, you ask? Oh, well it is a jumbo bottle of Tums, smoothies extra strength 750, BERRY FUSION, BITCH. WHAT? YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY NOW GUAC? huh? WHAT? I can’t hear, you over the berry loud, chalky crunch in my mouth… you’ll have to talk louder…. Nope, still can’t hear yoooooooouuuuuuuu! Your space monster better find a new wireless provider… cause his call just got dropped!
Love you always,
SheCanCreate